How to Host Your Own Government Shutdown

Sadly, few of us have any control over the political situation threatening to shutdown the government tomorrow. There are simple contingency plans that make sense to put in place but that's just good business regardless of looming shutdowns, furloughs, snow, traffic, stinkbugs, or any of the other recurring disruptions to normal operations in the DC area.

Once you've dispensed with the real planning, here are a couple of ideas for how to host your own government shutdown.

  1. Sort your contact list into essential and non-essential people.  Then, send an email to all of your non-essentials informing them of their new status.  Nothing motivates and endears people quite like confirming how useless they are to you(especially in a made-up crisis).
  2. Head to your favorite restaurant.  Linger at the front and chat up the hostess for as long as you can before you desperately have to pee (wear sneakers, this could take hours).  Finally, yield the stand to the next customer and sit down.  When the server comes, place a series of special requests that requires them to run back and forth to the kitchen until they're completely exasperated.  Tell them that you're still thinking about whether or not to pay-- you'll decide at the end.
  3. Misery loves company so invite your client over to catch up on some sappy Lifetime TV.  Their typically busy calendars will be wide open.  As soon as they're done updating their Facebook with rants on how frustrating our political system is, they'll be free.  Trust me. Though they're probably planning a yard sale to offset a fraction of their lost income, no one really wants to clean out their basement anyways.  Remind them that it's BYOP (popcorn) but you'll supply the tissues.  You should be able to buy enough boxes for both of you under the $25 gift limit.

Don't be shutout in the shutdown.  Just because you can't do anything doesn't me you can't DO anything.